In continuation with my previous two posts on Domestic Violence viz “Violence against Women – A perception or a reality” and “Violence against Men – The untold Truth” this article focuses on unaddressed forms of domestic violence especially
- Female to Male Violence and
- Male to Male Violence.
It is pertinent to mention here that male to female violence is already being addressed in a big and a highly questionable way with the Unconstitutional Domestic Violence Act in India and thus will not be addressed in this article.
This article will focus on the unaddressed forms of domestic violence against men, women and children that happens against them in natal homes. Most of the times this violence is swept under the carpet as a result, the victims just do not get that mental and social space to voice out their abuse and keep tolerating the injustice. But, “tolerating injustice is promoting injustice” and this article is dedicated to all those silent voices.
As already explained in Violence against Women – A perception or a reality, that because men are expected to don the role of a Protector and a Provider and expected to be violent they are emotionally castrated from the age of 6, and this low emotional quotient helps cultures have better UnPaid BodyGuards. Otherwise, only a fool will become ready to take risks lifelong in return for no protection for himself.
This social meme allows male to male violence, expects violence from men and does not accept it selectively. In fact, men are made to believe they are the disposable gender. I will now present a small story.
Sunita is a beautiful young girl who stays with her elder brother. She loves Raju and Raju also loves her. However, her brother Anand is unaware of it. When he comes to know about it, he attacks Raju for enticing his sister. However when Sunita clarifies, Anand pacifies down. Then Rajan, the don falls in love with Sunita and a new fight starts between Rajan on one side and Raju and Anand on the other. The fight goes thro’ a lot of twists and turns causing casualties on both sides. Finally Rajan gets defeated by Raju and Anand and Raju and Sunita unite.
If we carefully analyze, the crux of the entire story is the entertainment potential of male to male violence. The males are treated like dumb robots hitting each other at the instincts of a female who just sheds a few tears and decries a few shrills to intensify the fight and boost up the testosterone and the protecting instinct of the males around her be it her boyfriend, brother, husband or father.
Also many times brothers-in-law fight with each other for fights instigated by the wife who gets her brother and husband clashed with each other. There also the protector instincts of the brother and the husband are made to confront each other. All the wife needs to do is complain about her husband to her brother and the fight ensues. And because of the peculiarity of our laws it’s always the husband who is held guilty. Whereas the violence that goes on against him in the home goes unaddressed.
Another form of unaddressed natal violence is on daughters and sons from their own family – their own biological parents and siblings. However, no one really cares to think about it. Even the third report of the National Family Health Survey shows that mothers are 8 times more violent than mothers-in-law on their women in the age range of 15 – 49 typically when a woman would stay more with the mother-in-law. Still mothers are 8 times more violent on their own daughters – however the domestic violence remains unaddressed.
Another major form of domestic violence from mothers comes in the form of sexual abuse. See this news item below:-
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/8022861.stm reported by the BBC News. It thus begins:
“Colin never knew innocence as a child. His earliest memories are of his mother sexually abusing him. In the bath, in his bed and in the night. Until he was 13.”
“The fact the perpetrator was the person who gave birth to him made it harder for him to identify and accept it as abuse, he believes.
“I found it hard to even say it was sexual abuse because of the way society views mothers, and quite rightly – 99% are loving but I was just unlucky to get one that wasn’t.”
Because our society does not have the comfort and luxury to challenge mothers with the ease with which it challenges fathers. See further from the article,
“It’s a comment on how society views pedophilia today that the most shocking aspect of Colin’s story is not the sexual abuse itself, but the fact the perpetrator was female.”
The above statement clearly shows that the society is more bothered about a mother and a female becoming a pedophile rather than the innocent male child being subjected to abuse. Had the perpetrator been a male, it would have probably neither made it to news at all. And the natal violence would have gone unaddressed.
Merely on a presumption of persecution, fathers are labeled as hate words like “Monster Dads” and “Pervert Rapists”, however women perpetrators either enjoy the privilege of being a minority or worst, the luxury of being a psychological victim. This is nothing but double standards of the society.
Violence can never be eliminated from the society by catering to only one form which is easily perceptible and believable aka the “Male to Female Violence”. All forms of violence and all such victims of violence need their space and unless addressed, it will lead to perpetration of violence because if the society does not give space to these victims, they will find their own space and that leads to more violence.
So by concentrating only on one form of violence and neglecting others especially that instigated by females, the society is actually nourishing it. Choice remains with the society.
Also, double standards need to be eliminated. Politicians are talking of violence against women but their definition of women is questionable. National Family Health Survey conducts a survey and included women only in the age range of 15 – 49.
Do they not consider females below the age of 15 and above the age of 49 as women?
How can they conclude without doing the survey that these women are spared of violence?
Why have they not included men in their survey?
Why are men being denied services of Domestic Violence?
On what basis they conclude they DO NOT NEED to include certain sections and will concentrate on a particular section?
This is unacceptable and clear violation of Article 14 of the Indian Constitution.
Politicians concentrate only on the so called perceived violence on sexually active females because based on that, they can garner votes.
Social organizations get funds on the same basis and the day they stop cribbing, the funds also stop.
Media gets TRP ratings on that basis and thus wants it to continue.
Society has a fetish to here sob stories of young females as it nurtures chivalry and allows it to instigate men to don the role of a PROTECTOR, UNPAID BODYGUARD, PROVIDER and FREE ATM MACHINE, etc.
And thus every agency has a share of its pie in commercializing the Domestic Violence Industry and in turn leaving actual and real victims high and dry. Just the way, “Tolerating Injustice is Promoting Injustice” and “Justice denied is Justice Delayed”, similarly leaving abuse unaddressed is like cornering a rabbit and converting a victim into a ferocious rebel and therein lies the severity of the abuse of “Unaddressed Natal Violence”.
Like, Honorable Justice G Raghuram of the Andhra Pradesh High Court said in a seminar, “Too much audio-visual input jeopardizes the cognitive ability of the brain”, the media has a very important role to play. Unfortunately, many a times it is found that the media also portrays Double Standards when it comes to Domestic Violence.
For e.g., on one hand Pranoy Roy and Radhika Roy’s NDTV 24X7 channel shows a man accused of holding his wife and daughter captive for 7 years allegedly and unleashes male hatred by promoting the anti-male and Unconstitutional Domestic Violence Act whereas on the other hand, a sister channel NDTV Imagine perpetrates child abuse with its show “Pati, Patni aur Woh” wherein celebrity couples play a game show of bringing up other people’s children.
While it may sound scintillating and fascinating, the trauma that a 1yr. or a 2 yr. infant undergoes trying to adjust with completely unknown strangers and the psychological and mental suffocation the innocent minor undergoes in the name of the reality show and TRP fetish cannot be expressed in words. The pain is as voiceless as the cries of the minor. Putting such innocent minor infants through such psycho-traumatic situations in the name of TRP Fetish and designing ‘cool show’ only shows the heights of hypocrisy.
Why is the Government silent on this new form of Domestic Violence on minor children?
Because these children do not have a vote bank.
Yes, India is such a “Banana Republic” wherein if you do not belong to a vote bank your problems are “Non-issues” for the Government and the political parties.
This October, while observing the Domestic Violence Awareness Month, let us all take a pledge to address all “Unaddressed forms of Natal Violence” and “Stop the severe most form of abuse”.
Spread these link everywhere,