Pub Bharo, condom use karo ma

Hi Ma, we are all set for the day. When are you….

Set for what Baby?

Why, for Pub Bharo Ma. After Maang bharo, godh bharo, jail bharo, pub bharo is the new cool phrase. Didn’t you watch Ekta Kapoor’s new soap Ma? It’s called Aao Pub Bharen.

Hey mom, Sis and I picked out your costume for your Pub Bharo campaign. And we picked up ours too. Wait until Muthalik sees us.

Baba, I can’t wear Andhra Pochampalli silks in Mangalore. That would be a political boo boo. I hope you got me something with the Kannada spirit.

Spirit? Yes ma, plenty of spirit but your costume is a Rakhi Sawant designer designer outfit. It was voted the coolest pub costume ever on Friday. And yes, it is 100% Cotton.

What are you two doing today? I’ll skin you both alive if you set foot outside the house. And Baby, if I see the punk on the motorbike hanging out on the street, I’ll call the police. I’m serious and you tell him that.

But Ma, that’s not fair. You placed us under house arrest on Valentine’s Day last year. This year after asking all the young people of the country to Pub Bharo, you can’t lock us up in our rooms.

Baba, no backchat. Go to your rooms both of you.

Ma, we called Times Now for breakfast with you. Arnab Goswami has been the greatest defender of the right to freedom of Pub. Won’t he ask you why we are at home when the rest of the country’s young people are Pub bharoing?

Arnab is coming home? I’d better rush and change. BABA, BABY, into my room both of you. What is this? You don’t expect me to wear this? And baby what are you wearing? It’s indecent.

Ma, these were the smallest shorts in the market, they don’t make them smaller than these and don’t you think this top looks cool?

Top, where is the top? And where is the back?

Ma, when you asked us all to Pub Bharo, you wanted to teach Muthalik a government lesson. Remember Ma, Muthalik’s goons thrashed Sis’s friends for wearing similar clothes. Now let us see what he does to your daughter Ma.  What’s that in those cardboard boxes?

Those Ma are beer, scotch whiskey, rum, lager, vodka and soda. Just to be safe. If all the young people join the campaign Ma, the pubs may run out of spirit.

And Baby, that looks like my most expensive kancheepuram silk saree.

Yes ma it is. Baba told me to take it, just in case.

Silk saree, to the pub? But you just told me I cant go to the pub in a saree with bindi and bangles and I thought that’s why you got me those jeans and spaghetti strap top.

Ma, this is not for the pub. Muthalik has threatened to get us married if he catches any of us in pairs. I am just hoping I’ll be the lucky girl to get caught.

With that punk? BABY, I’ll cancel the campaign, I’ll call off the freedom struggle, I’ll ask Soniaji to order all pubs to shut down. I will not have you get married to that punk.

Too late Ma, arnab is at the door. Cheerio Ma, and don’t worry; your favorite called this morning and both Baba and I are also carrying condoms with us.

WHAT? Condoms? What are you saying?

Cool Ma, sis is only being sensible. If we are going to be in the pub the whole day and drinking, anything can happen. You have raised us to be responsible Ma. I advised baby to carry condoms. You know, just in case. And Ma, chill will you, you look frozen.

Ma, I know you will be pub hopping. Rakhi told us she will be pub hopping too. Catch up with her Ma. After all she designed your costume. She will want pictures of you and her in that costume.

And Ma, I’m hanging out with the guys at Galloping Gooseberries. And I will be at Cool Cats Ma. Just make sure when you are pub hopping, you don’t come here. I won’t be caught dead in a pub with my mother.

And Ma, next year ask Soniaji to announce Pub Bharo day on Rahulji’s birthday. This way we get to pub bharo twice a year.

Bye, Ma, you are the best. Yos bro, have fun. See you tomorrow. And, Ma, if some us get married today, you ask Girija Vyas stay out. If she thinks women have the fundamental right to dress indecently, drink during the day, be lesbians, well tell her, some us also have the right to get married. And if going to pubs and being thrashed by Muthalik is the only way we can get married in your government’s time, Girija Vyas must respect my right Ma. See you bro. If you get married call me. If I get married, I’ll call you.

You mean if we are both not so drunk. Ciao Ma. Happy Pub Bharo. Happy Pub Bharo Sis. 
You too bro. Yos.

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