02.27.09
Study Compares Men’s and Women’s Friendships
But the practical ramifications are that we (women) can’t do the slightest thing wrong . . . And if we can’t care for somebody who screws up, that makes our position on friendship very precarious.
Those are the words of Joyce Benenson of the Department of Biological Anthropology at Harvard, discussing recent research published in the journal Psychological Science. Researchers at Harvard, Emmanuel College in Boston and the Universite du Quebec have concluded that women are far less tolerant of their friends than are men. I would argue that carries over into intimate relationships with men as well, but the researchers don’t broach that topic.
They only dealt with same-sex friendships and found that, compared to men’s, women’s relationships tend to be “significantly less tolerant, more volatile, and likelier to degrade based on a single negative incident than male same-sex friendships.” These findings seem to fly in the face of long-held notions of women as the more relational of the sexes.
Debunking that notion comes hard on the heels of the study by Marta Meana of the University of Nevada about women’s sexuality, that found it to be far more narcissistic than relational. (I reported on that in the posting “Fascinating Article on Women’s Sexuality.”) Although the two studies are obviously about different things, they both seem to contradict the concept of women as primarily motivated by relationships.
Of course as always, this study is not the last word on the subject. It’s one of many and many more to come. But it’s interesting.
Read about it here (Nanaimo Daily News, 2/13/09).
02.26.09
The tip of the iceberg
Women are better financial planners than men
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I’ll inherit $200 million.”
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
TNIE-C Survey: People blame lawyers
CHENNAI: Twice as many people blame the lawyers than the police for the violence at the Madras High Court last week. It is not surprising then that public opinion about lawyers is so low that half the people polled in a survey commissioned by The New Indian Express did not want their children to become lawyers, while only one-fifth did.
The violence erupted on February 19, when the police went to the High Court to investigate the egg pelting two days earlier of Subramanian Swamy. A clash between lawyers and police ensued, which carried on the next day, and which has forced the closure of courts since.
The New Indian Express survey of 500 Chennaiites, carried out by research organisation C fore, makes it clear that the public sees the lawyers as the culprits of the current standoff between the executive and the judiciary.
Respondents overwhelmingly disapproved of the egg pelting. Some lawyers have, post-clashes, asserted that the community also did not approve of the egg pelting, but this appears to have got drowned in the din.
What has etched itself in the public mind, rather, has been the trade-union-manner in which the lawyers reacted when the police tried to take action in the egg-pelting incident. A third of those polled said the culprits should have been arrested immediately; and there were almost as many responses favouring the debarring of lawyers, as there were favouring a probe by the acting chief justice.
The public antipathy towards the lawyers can be gauged by the fact that exactly twice as many respondents to The New Indian Express poll favoured police action at the courts, as those who approved of the police inaction during the caste-based rampage by law students in November.
If anything, the public’s message to lawyers is clear: No one should presume to be above the law.
Who is responsible for Thursday’s violence at the Madras High Court?
The police 17
Both are equally guilty 49
The lawyers 34
Twice as many people blame the lawyers as those who blame police.
What should have been the proper course of action after the egg-pelting?
The lawyers responsible be stripped of their licence to practice law 21
The acting Chief Justice of the High Court investigate the matter 25
Police arrest the culprits immediately 32
The lawyers association investigate the matter 10
The matter should have been forgotten 12
Why are the lawyers resorting to strike?
To bring attention to the plight of Sri Lankan Tamils 19
To protest high-handed police action 69
To protest inadequate facilities in the High Court 3
None of the above 9
How do you feel about some lawyers pelting Subramaniam Swamy with eggs inside a courtroom?
Approve 13
Disapprove 68
Have no view 19
You support
Police action to quell the lawyers unrest at high court 38
Police inaction when law college students went on the rampage 19
Did not support either of the options 43
Do you want your son/daughter to be a lawyer?
Yes 20
Don’t know/Can’t say 31
No 49
Methodology: C fore conducted the survey in Chennai on 23 and 24 February, 2009. A questionnaire was sent to 500 people of different socio-economic categories. Forty-one per cent were women. All figures are in percentages.
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02.21.09
She did it, despite being a woman
“She did it, despite being a woman”, have we not heard this statement quite often. It has been so deeply engrained in our thoughts and psyches that whenever we see a woman performing, this statement, which will be henceforth called as Dialogue, comes out as a de-facto behavioral pattern. And this pattern has far reaching implications which we will see in this article.
The Dialogue generates a lot of sympathy for the women folk and the girl, who did it, despite being a woman, definitely feels good because for sure, the dialogue has a motivational and lauding tenure. However, it demeans the women folk in general and imbibes a feeling in them that they need to do something extra-ordinary to get recognized whereas the males can get away with ordinary performance. But this view is again only a perception and not a reality. In reality, girls are encouraged even if they achieve anything small, whereas boys do not have that luxury.
The dialogue reflects a general sentiment that women are inferior and need extra-motivation to perform. Also it reflects that since women are weaker, apparently, they need to be given concessions. However this again is a perception and not a reality. In general, the society has an overwhelming tendency to pamper women and this dialogue is the result of Women Pamperment.
Let us take some real life examples. The very recently popular TV Show, the Indian Idol is running its fourth season. And Sonali Bendre, one of the judges openly says that this time she wants a girl to be an Indian Idol, because the last the idols have been boys. It is unbecoming of a judge of a talent based show to make such a statement. The dialogue as mentioned, actually tries to engenderize the issue.
Nature does not distribute its talent based on gender. Every single individual is talented and this fact needs to be respected. However, since feminists wanted to run their shop of selling women rights, they propagated such memes in the society like, “She did it, despite being a woman”. It actually bogs down the entire womanhood and any self-respecting woman would condemn such an attitude.
I cannot help, but quote Chanda Kochar, the CEO of ICICI Bank here. In a recent TV interview she was asked, “Is it not a fact that you need to be 2 times better than others to be here?” The reply she gave was, “The CEO of the largest private sector bank definitely needs to be 2 times better than her peers.” But the dialogue does not go with it, since the merchants of the dialogue always want it to be associated with every woman’s achievement since they use this dialogue to draw further concessions for women from the society.
As a matter of fact, gender has got to do absolutely nothing with performance and such dialogues should be discouraged because women are equally competent and do not need any extra concession or motivation to perform or achieve. She did it, because she can, not because she is a woman.
02.19.09
The real truth of the myth called Male Domination
Now that’s such a phrase that’s been ingrained in our minds since the very childhood… The boys are told that its a male dominated world, so they don’t have to worry, just dominate the world. Girls on the other hand are continuously taught, that since its a male dominated world out there, so they need to dominate ‘their’ male partners at home and around. Sounds familiar?
Well, amongst all these ‘teachings’, has anyone stopped for a while to look around an ask a simple question… Is it really true? Is it really a male dominated society? Do we call it ‘male dominated’ just because the number of men working outside the house is more than the number of women?
To answer this question, I’ll try to start by digging some past, then look at the present and try to project some future too!
The Glorious Past
Lets start with the distant history… The great mythologies of India; Ramayana & Mahabharat. These are touted as the greatest sagas of the male domination in the country. I wonder why?
Reading Ramayana, I struggled to find out who was really the dominating character… Who was the real perpetrator of violence? Was it any of the male characters? Hell no! Atleast no violence towards any of the female characters. Neaither Ram, Lakshman, nor even Ravan was ever violent towards any woman in the story.
On the contrary, the saga almost begins with the violent women like Keykayi and Manthra… Towards the middle there’s also a mention of the sex-maniac Srupanikha. Speaking of Sita, even Ravan was morbidly afraid of even going near her, as she threatened to kill him! Who do you think was violent here?
The great king Dashrath was dominated by his wife, Keykayi, and not the other way around. He was so dominated that he even sacrificed his fatherly love towards his own sons just to please her. And we say it as ‘male domination’!
Now lets jump over to the other great saga, The Mahabharata… The very beginning of the story depicts how dominated the men were! The so called Brave and Macho King Shantanu was dominated by his wife Ganga. Even before the marriage, she asked him to promise that he’d never question her or her actions after marriage, otherwise she’ll leave him on the 1st question he asks. And this so called macho king of India remained meek for 8 years, while his wife went on killing their 7 sons by drowning them into the river right in front of the father’s eyes, and he didn’t ask one word to her. Why? Just to save his marriage! Do you call it male domination?
Coming to more recent past, hope you’ve not forgot the 400 year old British rule over the world, not so long ago. It was so proudly said, that “the sun never goes down in the British Colony“. And who was ruling the British world? Was it a Male? Nope, it was a Queen! Do you see any ‘male domination’ there? I don’t!
Alright, enough of history lecture, now lets come back to,
The Gloomy Present
Have a look at our own poor country. Who’s ruling the nation? Did you say the Prime minister? Well, think again… Everyone knows the real ruler is not the rubber stamp man! All that credit goes to the great Italian Lady leader up there. Even the other pillar of ruling, the President of India, being a woman herself, is also another rubber stamp in the hands of the same Italian Lady. So where do you see ‘male domination’ out here?
Coming more closer home, Accept the Reality folks, almost every man is dominated by one or the other woman at the house. She could be your mother, GF or Wife. If you are a male, since 10 year old, you are termed as the free bodyguard of your mother, sister, and even their female friends. While growing up, you are always taught to keep the women around you happy by all means. Even if it means giving your life for them. And you say it’s ‘male dominated’ society!
Talking of giving life, FYI, as per the official crime statistics collected by the national body NCRB (National Crime Records Bureau), in the year 2007 alone, almost twice the number of married men (47%) have committed suicides than the number of married women(24.5%). Ever wondered why? Why should double the number of ‘Dominating’ men commit suicides compared to the number of ‘dominated’ women? What can be a simpler answer than the fact, that the dominating & dominated roles are reversed in reality.
Once grown up, you are expected to provide for the entire family, which incidentally consists of a majority of females compared to males. So when you are rubbing your soles and slogging your a$$ just to keep your family in luxury, you are given the false pride of dominatig the world! What a joke! Wake up men, you are being dominated inside out!
The Dreamy Future
If this trend continues, which most likely will, here’s what the (may be distant, may be near) future might look like…
The dominated men around the world, would wake up to the reality. They’d ask for ‘Equality’ in ‘Rights’ to live a life. They’d ask for ‘Equality’ in the ‘Duties’ of the females. They’d not be free bodyguards of the women around them, who take them for granted. They’d not work more than what’s required to keep themselves comfortable in life.
Women proudly claim that they are ‘Equal’ to men, and that they can take care of themselves in all spheres of life. I support them. Let them surely take care of their lives as Equals! Why dominate the men to provide them security and life support?
C’mon men, give your women their sense of ‘Equality’ and leave them alone! Let them work the Same way as you do to provide for themselves! Why slog yourself out just for them?
Why live in a false dreamland of so called ‘Male Dominated’ Society, and why not make it a Human dominated world, where both Males and Females dominate themselves, and be ‘Equals‘ in the right terms?
02.17.09
News coverage for Feb 14 Bangalore Dharna
Pubs Liquor and Women Empowerment
Original Author – ANIL CHAWLA
Maidservants working in our locality live in a slum called S. Farm. The slum had a country liquor shop. As is usual in many such shops, the shop also had an ‘ahaataa’ (courtyard). The ahaataa is an open area with bare minimum crude furniture. Customers who buy a bottle from the liquor shop can sit in the ahaataa and consume it there. A large number of the men in S. Farm used to visit the ahaataa and blow up their earnings there. This used to cause hardships to their families. A few months ago under the leadership of a social worker (a woman I do not know) all the women of the slum decided to do something about the menace. One fine evening all the women surrounded the country liquor shop and the ahaataa. They were holding placards in their hands demanding closure of the establishment. All the men who were inside the ahaataa were beaten with footwear. In many cases wife / sister of the man being beaten was cheering the crowd to do a more thorough job. Police watched as spectator only ensuring that the beating did not cross limits. The next day, authorities decided to shift the liquor shop away from the area. The women were jubilant. They had emerged victorious and felt empowered. The above incident was not reported in any newspaper or electronic media. Such incidents have taken place in hundreds of places across the country. In most states of the country, there are rules in place that if women of the area protest against any liquor shop, the shop is shifted immediately. Getting these rules made has been a major achievement for women activists who want to ensure that men take care of their families and not squander away their earnings on alcohol. Contrast the incident of S. Farm with the protest against pubs in Mangalore. The tables have surely turned. Instead of women protesting against men drinking, it is the men who are protesting against women drinking. When women protest against men drinking, there are no issues of individual freedom or human rights or “who gave you the right to do this”. I am not in favour of beating up any one ? whether men or women. But surely, for all those who believe in equality of women, beating up of women drinkers is in no way worse or more condemnable than bashing up of alcoholic men. So, one fails to understand the hell that has broken loose after the protest against women-in-pubs by Shriram Sene in Mangalore. Pramod Muthalik, leader of Shriram Sene, has gone on record apologizing for the rough handling of women and has said that they never intended to beat any woman. Pramod has apologized, while there is pride in the heart of women who beat up men at S. Farm. Yet, strangely the media and official establishment seem hell bent to prove that Pramod Muthalik is a criminal worse than any terrorist, while remaining silent about all women who have gone violent across liquor shops all over the country. Women empowerment, in India, has always meant the right of women to demand a say in key decisions related to family, society and country. Women, who bashed up their alcoholic husbands / brothers, felt that a man had no right to spend all that he earned. A man owed it to his family to bring his earnings home and if he did not do so, women believe (and almost everyone agrees) that they have a right to force him. The role of women as caretakers of family has been central to women empowerment in India. Even the demand for reservation for women in legislatures and Parliament is based on this understanding of women empowerment. Votaries of women reservation bill have often argued that women are more responsible than men and that they will prove to be better rulers of the country, just as they take better care of the family. Women activists in India have never wanted to equal men at all the wrongs that men are accustomed to do. It would have been preposterous for any of the men at S. Farm to offer a drink each to the agitating women. None of the women activists agitating against liquor shops across the country has ever asked for a right of women to have a drink at the shops. Right to drink is not a fundamental right under Constitution of India or for that matter under any international charter of rights. On the other hand, Article 47 of the Constitution of India says, “The State shall endeavour to bring about prohibition of the consumption except for medicinal purposes of intoxicating drinks”. It is clear that protesters at Mangalore (and also the women at S. Farm) were only acting to raise awareness and force the state to fulfill its duty as prescribed under the Constitution. Nothing can be more legitimate political activity than that. It will not be incorrect to say that the movement of women empowerment in India suffered a serious setback when there were protests against the Mangalore incident. To make matters worse, some women have come together under the banner of “Consortium of Pub-going, Loose and Forward Women” (CPLFW). No one knows what is meant by the word “forward”, but a loose woman is defined by dictionary as “a woman adulterer”. Should we take it that these women claim to believe in going to pubs and having sex outside marriage as a matter of right? For these women, love is something that happens in and around panties. As an expression of their idea of love, they decided to send pink chaddis (panties) to Pramod Muthalik on Valentine day. One must condemn all the hooliganism that Bajrang Dal and Shiv Sena (even Shriram Sene) have been doing on Valentine Day, which in my opinion is a Hindu festival (Please visit http://www.samarthbharat.com/valentine.htm). Hinduism gives a very high place to love, but the love in Hinduism (or Christianity) is not something that happens in and around panties. All right-thinking persons must join up against the mindless and heartless perversion of love. This is not something about Indian culture or western culture. It is about preventing damage to a fundamental universal human value that transcends all cultures. From a moral, religious and political standpoint the attitude of CPLFW is absolutely untenable. No religion or system of morality on earth can ever accept that women (or men) should drink and indulge in sex without any restrictions. The public display of panties (as symbols of love) that CPLFW has indulged in is clearly obscene and obnoxious by every cultural standard. It is sad and unfortunate that Indian academic, intellectual and political establishments have not reprimanded them in the most severe terms. As I see it, the members of CPLFW are some well-qualified but uneducated women whose general reading has probably never progressed beyond text messages on their mobiles. Academic and political class of the country needs to seriously deliberate upon the problem of growing numbers of men and women who have acquired training, skills and degrees but no education. Women who forced the liquor shop to shift away from their locality might not have been literate but they were educated and knew their responsibilities to their family and society. The same cannot be said about the women who are holding up their dirty panties publicly on the internet and other media. The message emerging from Mangalore brouhaha is that Indian democracy must face up to the challenge of growing numbers of literate but uneducated men and women.

